Christmas E-Cards
my true love sent to me
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
At the big feasts held during the holiday celebrations the guests were often entertained by musicians, dancers, jugglers, etc. as well as singing and dancing themselves. Bagpipes and their younger cousins the musette (an instrument similar to a bagpipe but the air for the sound came from bellows rather than blowing into the instrument) were a popular instrument for dance music. While we usually associate the bagpipe with Scotland, they were also a common instrument in France as well. Since Queen Elizabeth I was succeeded by the Stuart kings of Scotland, bagpipes and other aspects of Scots culture were common among the upper classes in England as were elements of French culture due to intermarriage of the English and French nobility.
The pipers referred to in the song would be the professional bagpipe musicians hired to entertain the guests with their music and provide music for dancing.
Today, I am presenting a humorous take off on The Twelve Days of Christmas. This song obviously lends itself to gags like this and the invention of the photocopier and later the computer make it easy to produce and distribute things like this. They are especially popular in the workplace where access to copiers and computers make them easy to create and reproduce as well as pass around to the large number of people at the work site.
I think I first saw one of these gag versions of the song when I was in high school and my uncle brought a copy from work to a family gathering. This one was tame enough for both mixed company as well as older children (younger ones wouldn't have understood it). Later, when I entered the workforce versions of this would appear in the office at Christmas time Рsome were rather tame like this one while others were more risqu̩. Of course with the advent of the computer, email and the Internet these are quite common Рif you want to see more versions just go to the Internet and do a search.
In addition to providing a humorous interlude in the series this is also a good example of how the song could have developed in the days before the printing press. Unlike today, when there is basically one version of the carol, there were many. The carol varied from village to village and grew and changed as it was passed from one village or group of people to the next. Some changes were simple misinterpretations of what someone heard in another village while others took liberties and made changes to what had been passed on. In an environment like this it is easy to see how the carol could evolve and grow.
Here is one version of a humorous take off on The Twelve Days of Christmas.
On the first day of Christmas...
Ms Sarah FitzPatrick
131 Love Lane
Why, AZ
December 25, 2004
Dearest Tim:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly
delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With deepest love and devotion,
Sarah
On the second day of Christmas...
Ms Sarah FitzPatrick
131 Love Lane
Why, AZ
December 26, 2004
Dearest Tim:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love,
Sarah
On the third day of Christmas...
Ms Sarah FitzPatrick
131 Love Lane
Why, AZ
December 27, 2004
Dearest Tim:
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.
Love,
Sarah
On the fourth day of Christmas...
Ms Sarah FitzPatrick
131 Love Lane
Why, AZ
December 28, 2004
Dear Tim,
Today the postman delivered 4 calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful but don't you think enough is enough. You're being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Sarah
On the fifth day of Christmas...
Ms Sarah FitzPatrick
131 Love Lane
Why, AZ
December 29, 2004
Dearest Tim:
What a surprise. Today the postman delivered 5 golden rings; one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Sarah
On the sixth day of Christmas...
Ms Sarah FitzPatrick
131 Love Lane
Why, AZ
December 30, 2004
Dear Tim:
When I opened the door there were actually 6 geese a-laying on my front steps. So, you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket.
Please stop.
Cordially,
Sarah
On the seventh day of Christmas...
Ms Sarah FitzPatrick
131 Love Lane
Why, AZ
December 31, 2004
Tim:
What's with you and those crazy birds? 7 swans a-swimming. What kind of terrible joke is this? There're bird droppings all over the house, and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop sending me all these birds!
Sincerely,
Sarah
On the eighth day of Christmas...
Ms Sarah FitzPatrick
131 Love Lane
Why, AZ
January 1, 2005
O.K. Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What am I going to do with 8 maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a-milking, but they had to bring their cows! There is manure all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, wise guy.
Sarah
On the ninth day of Christmas...
Ms Sarah FitzPatrick
131 Love Lane
Why, AZ
January 2, 2005
Hey! Stupid,
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's 9 ladies dancing. They have been dancing constantly since they arrived yesterday morning. The house is in total chaos. They cows are getting upset,
and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have
started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours,
Sarah
On the tenth day of Christmas...
Ms Sarah FitzPatrick
131 Love Lane
Why, AZ
January 3, 2005
You Rotten Sadist,
Now there's 10 lords a-leaping. What little was left of my house has now been smashed as the lords have been leaping everywhere as they chase after the maids and ladies. Worse, the cows can't sleep and they've got the diarrhea. My living room is a river of manure. The commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why this building shouldn't be condemned.
I'm sending the police after you.
One who means it.
On the eleventh day of Christmas...
Ms Sarah FitzPatrick
131 Love Lane
Why, AZ
January 4, 2005
Listen! Looser,
Now there's eleven pipers piping. And they never stop piping except when they're chasing those maids or dancing girls. The cows are getting very upset and are sounding worse than the birds ever did. What am I going to do? There is a petition going around to evict me from the neighborhood.
I hope you're satisfied, you rotten, vicious swine.
Your sworn enemy,
Sarah
On the twelfth day of Christmas...
Law Offices
Sue, Pillage, and Plunder
303 Knave Street
Los Angeles, CA
January 5, 2005
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 drummers drumming which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Ms Sarah FitzPatrick. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Ms FitzPatrick at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached warrant for your arrest.
Cordially,
Sue, Pillage, and Plunder
Copyright © 2005-2006 by Charles J. Nugent Jr. and Victor L. Nugent.
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